Separate realities is the way things really are.

By -
(I first wrote this blog entry in July 2020. But I didn't get around to publishing it. It sat on my blog, hidden from viewers while I thought about it.)

This week I have been helping a high school student with preparations for the notorious Korean High School exam. The questions for the English portion of the test are very difficult to deal with, and can present a lot of trouble for students.

However, the book that I'm using has some great mini articles in it. This one in particular caught my eye;
Many people believe that it is critical to share similar, if not identical  beliefs and values with someone with whom they have a relationship. 

While this may seem preferable, it is far from mandatory. Individuals from extremely diverse backgrounds have learned to overlook their differences and live harmonious, loving lives together. 

I've seen people from opposite ends of the spectrum economically and politically that ended up in happy, lasting marriages. 

I've seen couples from different ethnic groups merge into harmonious relationships, and I've seen people from different religions come together for a strong, lasting bond. 

Furthermore, many good friends have little in common except a warm loving feeling of respect and rapport. 

That's the only essential thing. 
People who enjoy the best relationships with others, who live life with the least frustration regarding their differences, have learned that differences are to be expected, a fact of life. 

This understanding must go beyond a mere intellectual "I know we're all different": You must truly own this idea and incorporate it into your daily life. The way I see it, we have only two realistic choices. We can resist the principle of separate realities and remain frustrated and angry over the fact that no one seems to conform to our way of thinking, or we can strive to understand what in Eastern philosophy is called "the way of things". 

Separate realities is the way things really are: Everyone is unique and has different gifts to offer. When we look for these gifts we surely find them — and in doing so, we will open the door to a world of personal growth.
This is not the same as saying that every view is valid, or that it's OK for someone to be a horrible person because "that's just the way they are". But it means that, since everyone's reality is formed from their own understanding of the experiences which have shaped their lives, we can't expect them to be all the same.

If someone doesn't share the same view as us on a particular topic, it's not because they are mentally or morally deficient, or that they are intentionally trolling us. It just means that to them, reality has a different form. How we then deal with that fact says a lot more about us that it does about "them".

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Disorder

By -
Image
An excerpt from today's writing. Last night, the guard returned to my cell. In fact, there were three of them. All masked and dressed in those rotting, moldy robes. One replaced the great clam shell, one searched my room and the other placed a stack of papers on my desk. Two of them left, and one remained. It indicated that I should sit, and then it stood behind me, clicking and chattering. I looked at the papers. It was my writing. But it wasn’t what I had written. The great clam shell spoke in its flat, empty voice. “There is confusion in your narrative.” The carved ivory device was translating the clicks and clacks of the guard. The breathy, percussive sounds that issued from beneath the mask were speech of a kind I had never heard before. But such details barely registered at the time. I just sat at the desk and stared at the story, feeling the walls pressing tighter around me. Never had I been so aware of the suffocating reality of my imprisonment. My text had been conver...
Read more

Community Contribution: Spring.

By -
Spring Jensen looked about her, aware of the beauty that was bestowed her. The gentle breeze of the mid afternoon forest she called home blew gently through her hair, caressing around her body. The air was sweet with the smell of fresh water, pollen, and the life of the forest all about. Her home, a small building nestled into the side of a hill was simple and functional. A roof hung over two artificial walls, and then against the hill itself. Inside she had a small stove, a bed, and some simple furniture. Some bowls, cups, and simple utensils adorned her table, along with candles, flint sparks and picture books. Currently Jensen sat outside her small home, enjoying what she had to view. The ruins of what was once a dense apartment complex sat not far away, had been overrun by the forests as nature reclaimed what was always hers. Trees and vines had quickly moved in after the coming of the end, followed by the animals of the wild. Currently some small chitters were galloping ...
Read more

Future imperfect.

By -
Image
Do you know the futures cone ? It's used to give an understanding of what we mean when we talk about the future. Anything "could" happen. Even the preposterous and impossible ;  Aliens landing.  The second coming.  President Biden.  A successful Brexit.  The AI singularity.  WW3.  A new ice age...  Preposterous. The one we usually worry about is the "projected" future. The default outcome if we pursue business as usual. That one has pretty unpleasant results even within the next few decades.  BAU If anything, some of our earlier projections were too optimistic and too cautious. Scientists wanted to be absolutely sure of their findings, so they erred on the side of caution.  Now we face a projected future that's even worse than we previously imagined.  Unlikely? Paradoxically, this future is probably the most unlikely. The very nature of that future will force us to move away from busine...
Read more